I’m in the mood to write…..
and realized that this would be a good time to give you the status of what to me was a life changing ocurrence when I had a BCC (basal cell carcinoma) removed from my eye area. I say life changing because what has ensued these past two years is short of mind blowing to the normal person. What is normal anyway? You are certainly about to find out that my life has been nothing close to normal.
First, I have to tell you all how amazed I am that my sharing my experience has resulted in many similar stories with those who shared them with me, both public and private. Just last night, I got another message from someone who is now experiencing the same thing at the same spot. Little did I know that my sharing my experience is helping many and what I thought were frivolous emotional rants, really comforted those who need it. I am thankful though that you feel comfortable approaching me with your personal traumas. The emotions are real and valid and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
So, when I left off at the last post, I was experiencing the keloid and the aftereffects of nerve damage. Unfortunately, I am most unhappy to report that the nerve damage never went away……NEVER…..which means that when it is cold outside, I have that wonderful feeling of the ice cube burning/freezing sensation that starts at my left temple, sweeps across the left side of my face and down to my jawline. No it’s not pleasant and most of the time screaming is what I’d really like to be doing because it’s all I feel some days and hard to shut out. Ah…but when summertime comes I get a reprieve….except when I am in air conditioning and then it all comes back to bite me. And bite me it does. I have gotten accustomed to having a scarf all the time to cover my face when it gets bad…and crying….yes, I cry because some days the tears warm it up and they just come spontaneously whether I like it or not.
I have had more biopsies done which fortunately to my dermatologist’s trained eye, saved me from hearing another cancer diagnosis. This past biopsy of a couple weeks ago revealed that my dermatologist has to go back in and take more out because if left there, melanoma would be the verdict in the future. So that surgery is scheduled for mid-January.
Funny thing is, I left my camera at my studio so I thought I’d take a photo with my cell phone and post it here so you can see the results of how nicely the graft blends in now, but I was horrified at the photo and wondered just who that girl was in the photo! Seriously! I have aged in 2 years’ time to say the least and now if I ever needed a donor site for more skin, my eyelids would be the candidate. I won’t bore you with the details, but in the past couple years, I’ve been through a divorce, sold the house I loved, lived in my business for almost 3 months while the house I was buying was finally approved for a short sale, moved into a new house and kept my business running the whole time. I’m wondering if that is where those wrinkles and tired eyes came from! The point: when you see the photo that I will reveal in the future, please be kind :)
Starting over at 50 is not where I thought I’d be but here I am and I’m not going to lay down and die but some days I do feel like a good long sleep would be great, coupled with a nice massage. Which by the way, I no longer have that luxury of once a week like I used to since the priorities have changed. In time though. I have had some really fantastic jobs though which kept me extremely busy (unhealthily busy) and so when I get a moment once the dust clears a bit, I will be sharing those goodies with you.
In the meantime, keep your head up and keep a smile on your face because it takes less muscles to smile than frown and you just might believe you are happy even if you are having a bad day…..at least that is what is working for me…..and a glass of Zinfandel on the side doesn’t hurt either :)